Facebook Frenzy
by kittykatthetacodemon
Summary: Random Facebook conversations with Wes, David, Kurt, and Blaine. An attempt at humor. I do not own glee, as much as I wish I did.
1. What to do with Blaine?

**Author's Comments**: So...this is my first attempt at a fanfic, written with the help of my awesome friend Malice (she says hi). I really like the Facebook format, so I decided to give it a try...don't hate on the formatting! Hope you enjoy :D

* * *

Chapter 1

**Wes Roberts**: Thinks **David James** should help him with a project

**David James**: What kind of project?

**Blaine Anderson:** Yeah, what kind? After your last 'project' the Warblers had to cancel practice for a week, the smell was so bad

(**David James**, **Wes Roberts**, and 22 others like this)

**Kurt Hummel**: What? O.O

**Blaine Anderson**: You don't want to know. Let's just say it involved several firecrackers, two dozen rotten eggs, and five gallons of nacho cheese. Strangest. Practice. Ever.

(**Wes Roberts**, **Eric Laurey**, **David James**, and 12 others like this)

**Wes Roberts**: Good times.

**Blaine Anderson**: Terrifying times, Wes. There's a difference.

(**Eric Laurey**, **Kurt Hummel**, and 18 others like this)

**David James**: buzz kill. always a buzz kill :'(

(**Wes Roberts** likes this)

**Wes Roberts**: And that is exactly what this project will fix. We need to keep the world buzzed, absolutely buzzed, and so we can't have Blaine running around killing those vibes.

**Blaine Anderson**: But you said you had a plan before I 'killed your buzz'.

**Wes Roberts**: True. But your nonstop protests whenever we try to have fun really gets us down

**Kurt Hummel**: It's not fun if people get sent to the hospital

(**Eric Laurey, Blaine Anderson, Ted Daniels, **and 28 other people like this.)

**Wes Roberts**: Despite what you…poor, dull people…have to say, this cannot stand. Do you agree, my dear David?

**David James**: …I suppose so. What do you propose we do, darling Wes?

**Kurt Hummel**: Are you two sure you aren't gay?

(**Blaine Anderson**, **Eric Laurey**, and 36 others like this).

**Wes Roberts**: ^Dislike. I am seriously offended.

(**David James** likes this)

**Brittany Pierce**: y there is nothing rong with being a dolfin

(**Kurt Hummel**, **Blaine Anderson**, **Mercedes Jones**, and 52 other people like this)

**Kurt Hummel**: Thank you Britt, but I'm confused…how did you get here?

**Brittany Pierce**: wes and i made out so i frended him

(**Santana Lopez**, **Puck Puckerman**, **Blaine Anderson**, and 59 other people like this)

**David James**: Get some, man! ;) …but why is the rest of ND here?

**Wes Roberts**: Of course I didn't send them friend requests, David

**David James**: …I didn't say anything. :/

(**Kurt Hummel**, **Blaine Anderson**, and 11 others like this)

**Wes Roberts**: …you didn't hear anything, either.

**Santana Lopez**: Turns out Wes is a sucker for a girl with a hot ass :3

**David James**: …you mean he made out with you too? And he didn't share with me?

(**Eric Laurey, Ted Daniels, Nick Wester, **and 30 others like this)

**Puck Puckerman**: Naw. I was there, tho

**David James**: Wes! How could you?

**Wes Roberts**: Nevermind that. Here's the plan, as I see it: first, we take him to a pond

**Blaine Anderson**: A…pond?

**Wes Roberts**: **ignoring** And then we put floaties on him, make him swim to the middle, and then we go stand on the top of a nearby hill and shoot him. We'll be like snipers

**David James**: **still angry at Wes** Why a pond? Why make him swim? Why don't we just…you know…shoot him and get it over with?

(**Blaine Anderson, Puck Puckerman, Eric Laurey, **and 14 others like this)

**Blaine Anderson**: much as I hate to admit it, David's plan is sounding like the rational one in this situation.

(**Kurt Hummel, David James,** and 31 others like this)

**Wes Roberts**: David…Et tu, Brute? You haven't even heard the rest of my plan!

**David James**: …do I even WANT to know?

**Santana Lopez**: No. You don't.

**Wes Roberts**: Of course you do. Once we shoot him, we shall feed him to the ducks.

**Blaine Anderson**: …?

**David James**: What?

**Brittany Pierce**: i thot ducks only eat bread

**Wes Roberts**: But these are cannibal ducks.

**Brittany Pierce**: so they eat cans and bread

**Wes Roberts**: …yes. Sure.

**David James**: *facepalm*

(**Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, **and 42 others like this)

**Blaine Anderson**: …but I'm not a duck.

(**Kurt Hummel**, **David James**, and 14 others like this)

**Wes Roberts**: …I'm still working on that part.

* * *

**Wes Roberts**: Has come up with a solution!

**David James**: To what

**Wes Roberts**: Am I that easily forgotten?

**Kurt Hummel**: Yes

(**Blaine Anderson**, **David James**, and 38 others like this)

**Wes Roberts**: I'm hurt. We were killing Blaine, remember?

**Kurt Hummel**: I still think your reasons for killing him are a bit…nonexistent

(**David James, Blaine Anderson,** and 67 others like this)

**Blaine Anderson**: ^Seconded.

**Wes Roberts**: whatever. I figured out the cannibal duck problem!

**Puck Puckerman**: no one cares

(**Kurt Hummel** and 126 others like this)

**Mercedes Jones**: you're making a big deal out of nothing

(**David James**, **Blaine Anderson**, and 54 others like this)

**Wes Roberts**: Whatever, New Directions. The answer is simple. Blaine is half duck!

**Blaine Anderson**: What. The. Fuck.

(**David James** and 79 others like this)

**Kurt Hummel**: Seriously?

**David James**: How is that SIMPLE?

**Wes Roberts**: So that solves our cannibalism problem.

**Brittany Pierce**: i thot he was a dolfin not a duck

(**Blaine Anderson**, **Kurt Hummel**, and 12 others like this)

**Kurt Hummel**: I'll explain later, sweetie

**Kurt Hummel**: But anyway, why is he only HALF duck?

**Wes Roberts**: Because only one of his parents was a duck.

**David James**: …despite everything, I find myself curious. Which one?

**Blaine Anderson**: *eyeroll* My mother, of course. And my uncle is a duck too.

**Wes Roberts**: See, even he admits it!

**Blaine Anderson**: .The sarcasm in that made a whistling sound as it flew over your head

**Wes Roberts**: And once again, whatever. Everything has been worked out.

**David James**: That just causes MORE problems, though

**Wes Roberts**: Like what?

**Brittany Pierce**: ducks can swim rite so y wud u need floties

(**David James**, **Blaine Anderson**, and 49 others like this)

**Wes Roberts**: …that's great, actually. Since ducks can float on their own, we can skip the floaties and buy a nice charcoal grill

**Blaine Anderson**: I feel ridiculous for asking, but…for what, exactly, do you need the grill?

**Wes Roberts**: For the barbecue we are going to have once you're dead. We are going to need a really big grill if we want to be able to roast your body.

**David James**: Um, wow. Isn't that cannibalism too?

**Wes Roberts**: No. We'll just eat the duck half.

**Blaine Anderson**: wtf, Wes

**David James**: Is that even POSSIBLE?

**Kurt Hummel**: Which half would that be, anyway?

**Wes Roberts**: The bottom half.

(**Kurt Hummel **likes this)

**David James**: We all know why YOU liked that, Kurt.

**Blaine Anderson**: O.O

**Kurt Hummel**: O.O

**Mercedes Jones**: O.O

**Wes Roberts**: O.o

**Santana Lopez**: ;) Wanky

**Brittany Pierce**: u all look like owls wen u do that

**Quinn Fabray**: You know those aren't literal, right Britt?

**Brittany Pierce**: i wud if u told me wat literral ment

(**Santana Lopez, Puck Puckerman**, and 38 others like this)

**Finn Hudson**: Kurt is bright red right now

(**Blaine Anderson** likes this)

**Kurt Hummel**: Shut up, no I'm not!

* * *

**REVIEWS WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED! :) **

I'll give you a cookie...(or not. Probably not. On second thought, there are no cookies).


	2. Concentrate, duckies

**Author's Note**: **I got carried away, I admit it. No one wants to think THIS much about ducks...right?**

**Edited by my awesome fishie friend Malice (thanks a lot, dahling!), once she forced me to write some more. I'm a rampant procrastinator, who apparently has a duck fetish.**

**Anyway, read and enjoy. I do not own Glee or Katy Perry songs, although that would be pretty awesome.**

**

* * *

**

**Blaine Anderson**: Is not a duck, no matter what **Wes Roberts **seems to think.

(**Blaine Anderson **likes this)

**Wes Roberts**: that's right, Blaine, live in denial.

**David James**: I'm actually starting to enjoy this. Hey Blaine, do you speak duck?

(**Kurt Hummel**, **Brittany Pierce**, and 35 others like this)

**Blaine Anderson**: No.

**Wes Roberts**: still in denial. tsk tsk. *shakes head*

**David James**: C'mon, Blaine…let's hear some quacking

(**Wes Roberts **likes this**)**

**Blaine Anderson**: No.

**Kurt Hummel**: I've talked it over with ND, and we decided we all want to hear Blaine speak duck.

(**Rachel Berry**, **Mercedes Jones**, and 12 others like this)

**Blaine Anderson**: Not you too! No!

**Kurt Hummel**: Please?

**Blaine Anderson**: …*sigh* Quack.

(**Wes Roberts**, **David James**, and 148 others like this)

**Brittany Pierce**: wat did u say i dont speak duck but i wud like to lern

(**Santana Lopez**, **Wes Roberts**, and 126 others like this)

**Santana Lopez**: Britt, that wasn't REALLY duck…

**Brittany Pierce**: but it looks lik it to me

(**Wes Roberts, Kurt Hummel**, and 4 others like this)

**Santana Lopez**: PM me

* * *

**Santana Lopez**: Quack. ;)

(**Wes Roberts, David James**, and 46 others like this)

**Blaine Anderson**: Santana!

**Wes Roberts**: You are my type of girl ;)

**David Jones**: Wes. Girlfriend.

(**Blaine Anderson**, **Santana Lopez**, and 11 others like this)

**Santana Lopez**: Like you weren't thinking the same thing.

**Brittany Pierce**: but santana i dont get it u r not a duck ethr

**Blaine Anderson**: Don't tell me…Santana, you're secretly a half-duck too?

(**Wes Roberts**, **Puck Puckerson**, and 57 others like this)

**Wes Roberts**: I knew it! You admit it! You ARE half duck!

**Blaine Anderson**: I never said that.

**Santana Lopez**: Don't worry, Blainey, I'm fine with it as long as you are

**Brittany Pierce**: but santana u r not a duck and i no u r human i hav seen u naked b4

(**Wes Roberts**, **Eric Laurey**, and 33 others like this)

**Santana Lopez**: Brittany…

* * *

**Blaine Anderson**: Accepts that he is a duck, as long as **Santana Lopez, Kurt Hummel, Wes Roberts, **and **David James** agree to be ducks too (as well as anyone else in the **Warblers** or **New Directions** who wants to be cool)

**Santana Lopez**: Fine.

**Kurt Hummel**: Against my better judgement, I accept.

**David James**: If **Santana Lopez** is part of this, I have to be too

(**Santana Lopez **likes this)

**Blaine Anderson**: Dude. Girlfriend.

(54 people like this)

**Puck Puckerman**: Just call me Daffy. :)

**Finn Hudson**: Seriously?

(**Kurt Hummel**, **Sam ,** and 26 others like this)

**Finn Hudson**: **Puck Puckerson** and **Kurt Hummel** are threatening me with a baseball bat and a textbook…I think I'll be a duck too

**Wes Roberts**: Hmm, let me think…uh, no? How can I eat you if I'm a duck too? I may be many things, including incredibly sexy and available [that means you **Santana Lopez** ;)] but I am not a cannibal. Yet.

**Brittany Pierce**: y r u being rasist 2 the ducks they r just tryin to get thru life with out being eatn

(**Kurt Hummel, Puck Puckerman**, and 31 others like this)

* * *

**David James**: thinks **Wes Roberts** is a duck Nazi

**Blaine Anderson**: …is this really appropriate? And what is with everyone and their new obsession with ducks?

**Wes Roberts**: A duck Nazi? You are comparing me to the madmen who slaughtered millions of innocent people all because some dude with a weird moustache told them to?

(**Kurt Hummel**, **Santana Lopez**, and 120 others like this)

**David James**: Yes.

(**Blaine Anderson**, **Eric Laurey**, and 126)

**Brittany Pierce**: is this becuz he is an duck rasist

**Kurt Hummel**: Remember what I said earlier, sweetie? You can't be racist towards ducks.

(**Blaine Anderson**, **Santana Lopez**, and 6 others like this)

**Kurt Hummel**: Although personally, I agree with David.

(**David James**, **Eric Laurey**, and 17 others like this)

**Wes Roberts**: Im hurt. If I was a nazi, wouldn't I be trying to put Blaine into a concentration camp or something?

**Blaine Anderson**: …did you even READ what you just typed? a DUCK concentration camp?

(**David James**, **Brittany Pierce**, and 71 others like this)

**Santana Lopez**: B, why did you like that?

**Brittany Pierce**: blane is nice wat did he do that wes wud put him in a camp and make him think real hard. i kno somtimes thinking isnt nice so y wud they hav a camp just 4 that

(**Kurt Hummel**, **Wes Roberts**, and 216 others like this)

**Santana Lopez**: That's not what a concentration camp is, B. I'll explain when you come over later

**Brittany Pierce**: and then can we make out

**Santana Lopez**: …

**David James**: GOD YES AND INVITE ME

(**Wes Roberts**, **Puck Puckerman**, and 398 others like this)

* * *

**Wes Roberts**: has graciously decided, after much negotiation, to admit that Blaine is not, nor ever was, a duck.

**Kurt Hummel**: That isn't what happened, Wes.

**Wes Roberts**:…yes it was, Kurt. :( Say otherwise, and you aren't going to get any solos with the Warblers for a long, long, long time.

**Kurt Hummel**: All right, all right, that's what happened…if by "negotiation" you mean Blaine following you around singing Katy Perry nonstop, and by "graciously decided" you mean you finally got so annoyed that you told him you'd do anything to make him shut up

(**David James**, **Blaine Anderson**, and 31 others like this)

**Wes Roberts**: I see the majority of the Warblers liked that. Do you have a death wish?

**Eric Laurey**: no one wants to risk the wrath of wes…but we all are more afraid of blaine going back to singing Perry songs all day. You do realize that over the course of one meeting, he sang the first line of "peacock" over 900 times?

(**Blaine Anderson **likes this)

**Blaine Anderson**: I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock…

**Kurt Hummel**: Nooooooooo!

**David James**: Ahh! No! Spare us, o kind and merciful (non-duck) Blaine!

**Blaine Anderson**: Aw, come on, it's a good song!

**Kurt Hummel**: Sing it ever again, Blaine, and I will never speak to you again.

(**Wes Roberts**, **Mercedes Jones**, and 36 others like this)

**David James**: ^Ditto

**Eric Laurey**: ^Double ditto

**Nick Wester**: ^Triple, quadruple, and…whatever five is…ditto, man

**Mercedes Jones**: boy, I wasn't even there and I'm annoyed

**Blaine Anderson**: Party poopers.

* * *

**Blaine Anderson**: I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock, cock ;)

* * *

**Blaine Anderson**: …really? You ALL unfriended me?

* * *

Thanks for reading!

**REVIEW AND YOU GET AN INVISIBLE, METAPHORICAL, COMPLETELY NONEXISTANT COOKIE. Because I'm too lazy to make you real ones.**


	3. He's in the closet, folks

_Hey, Glee-lovers! Sorry this took so long to get out-school and all, I'm sure you know how it is. Anyway, more Facebook related fun! Poor Blaine, he just can't seem to win...Reviews appreciated!_

**_Also, tell me what you might want to see happen next...and I am definitely not against putting in some Klaine :) You just cant help but love Klaine-related fluffiness._**

* * *

**Blaine ****Anderson**: I still can't believe you all unfriended me just because I quoted Perry

**Wes Roberts**: Blaine. There are no words to express how much we NEVER want you to quote, sing, reference, or even LISTEN to a Katy Perry song ever, ever, ever again

(**David James**, **Eric Laurey**, and 212 others like this)

**David James**: I don't know if you noticed, but about half of Dalton's student body liked that.

**Rachel Berry**: As did New Directions. I must say, you KNOW there's a problem when Kurt drives two hours just to ask Mr. Schue to teach him (yet another) Journey song so he can get "Peacock" out of his head. And you don't even KNOW how many Journey songs he knows already…Mr. Schuester seems to be obsessed. I really think we need to be doing more Broadway songs, maybe Wicked or Rent, or we could try something new...maybe In the Heights? (all featuring me as lead soloist, of course)

**Mercedes Jones**: I was going to like that until you added that last bit.

**Wes Roberts**: That was literally the longest Facebook message I've ever read. Not to mention one of the most off-topic. And what's this about Journey?

**Santana Lopez**: We do Journey songs. all. the. time.

**Brittany Pierce**: but i didnt think kurt likd them that much but he askd 4 us 2 do 1 bcuz he sayd his ears wer burning

(**David James**, **Rachel Berry**, and 59 others liked this)

**Blaine ****Anderson**: Come on, it wasn't THAT bad

* * *

**David James**: …Blaine, I just checked the play count for "Peacock" and "Teenage Dream" on your iPod. Teenage Dream: 2121 plays. Peacock: 3534 plays. You have sung along more times than to TEENAGE DREAM. And that's saying something, considering you practically ear-rape yourself with that song everytime you get all mopey about **Kurt Hummel **and his "perfect hair, perfect voice, perfect smile" *barf*.

(**Mercedes Jones**, **Brittany ****Pierce**, **Wes Roberts**, and 99 others like this)

**Wes Roberts**: Speaking of the "beautiful-eyed wood nymph," as Blaine so eloquently puts it, where is Kurt?

**Mercedes Jones**: Actually, he's refusing to talk to Blaine, and he told me not to either (although I'm ignoring him, I find it very interesting to hear some of this. Does he really call him a nymph?). Didn't **Blaine Anderson** notice that the only one who didn't re-friend him was Kurt?

**Blaine ****Anderson**: O.O No way. I thought that was a glitch.

**Blaine ****Anderson**: Oh shit…He's mad at me, isn't he?

**Blaine Anderson**: Going to apologize.

**Blaine ****Anderson**: He's not answering his phone.

**Blaine ****Anderson**: Or his home phone.

**Mercedes Jones**: …You do realize you just sent all of those messages within a two minute time span, right? And you didn't even answer my question…a NYMPH? I thought Kurt was the one making up sickeningly sweet nicknames about you!

(**Wes Roberts**, **Finn Hudson**, and 52 others like this)

**Blaine Anderson**: *blushes, chooses to ignore*

**Wes Roberts**: Mercedes, darling, PM either **David James** or me…we obviously need to have a serious conversation about our boys.

**Mercedes Jones**: Will do :)

**Blaine ****Anderson**: Mercedes, where is he? And Finn! You live with him, tell him to talk to me! This isn't funny!

**Finn ****Hudson**: Are you kidding me Im not going to risk kurt's anger…besides, hes the one that told me not to answer the home phone

(**Wes Roberts, Mercedes Jones**, and 2 others like this)

**Mercedes Jones**: Actually, I don't know…hmm. He disappeared like 4 hours ago, said he had to go meet up with some people. He's still online…I honestly have no idea where he is, though

**Blaine Anderson**: Liar.

**Wes Roberts**: She's telling the truth, you know.

**Blaine Anderson**: Tell me where he is Mercedes!

**David James**: SHE IS TELLING THE TRUTH, SHE DOES NOT KNOW.

**Wes Roberts**: We do, though!

**Blaine Anderson**: Come on, tell me

**Brittany Pierce**: ask him in duck & mybe he wil anser u

(**Santana Lopez**, **Wes Roberts**, and 153 others like this)

* * *

**Wes Roberts**: Would like to inform the world that **Kurt Hummel** is officially in the closet.

**Kurt Hummel**: I came out of that a while ago, Wes.

(**Mercedes Jones**, **David James**, and 46 others like this)

**Blaine Anderson**: Kurt! You're online! Talk to me!

**Blaine Anderson**: …and he's gone again.

* * *

**Blaine Anderson**: Now knows where **Kurt Hummel **is hiding.

**Wes Roberts**: No you don't.

**Blaine Anderson**: He's in your closet, isn't he?

**Wes Roberts**: …no.

**David James**: Run, Kurt! RUN! The closet isn't safe anymore!

* * *

**Kurt Hummel**: You are an idiot, **David James**.

**David James**: whaaaaat? Why?

**Kurt Hummel**: He didn't know where I was until you TOLD HIM

**Blaine Anderson**: Aw, come on, I just wanted to apologize about the Peacock thing

**Kurt Hummel**: I'm still not talking to you

**Kurt Hummel**: And I deleted all the music on your computer. Your labeling was weird, I couldn't tell which ones were Katy Perry and which weren't.

(**David James**, **Mercedes Jones**, and 262 others like this)

**Blaine Anderson**: You did WHAT?

**Brittany Pierce**: cher up blane at leest u hav ur duckie frends 2 luv u

* * *

_**Poor Blaine...I can't imagine losing all my music. It would take ages to get it all back, too. Bad Kurt. Bad, bad Kurt. *chuckles* And yet I can't help but laugh at him. I need to try this on some of my more...shall we say, annoying-song-obsessed friends.**_

**_Thanks again to Malice for being my wonderful pre-reading fishie!_**


	4. Revenge, drunk posting, and viruses

**Hello, and sorry it's been so long...homework and such, you know how it is. Anyway, I wont waste your time any longer...other than to SQUEE over tonight's episode of Glee ("Original Songs")! No spoilers, dont worry. This story is sort of timelineless...it just is. This one references BIOTA, though...**

* * *

**Blaine Anderson**: I still can't believe **Kurt Hummel **deleted ALL of my music.

**Kurt Hummel**: I have two words for you: Ha. and Ha.

(**David James**, **Wes Roberts**, and 18 others like this)

**Wes Roberts**: Sorry Blainey but you asked for it

(**Kurt Hummel**, **Mercedes Jones**, and 22 others like this)

**Blaine Anderson**: It wasn't funny! I still have to get back 3657 songs!

**Kurt Hummel**: You counted?

**Mercedes Jones**: That's just freaky, boy.

**

* * *

Blaine Anderson**: thihizz piartayy iss awwsmome1!~

**Wes Roberts**: …what? Are you ok, dude?

**Blaine Anderson**: kurrt toook eme 2 a parttayyy at rachl's jhoouse annd its awwwesdoonme!

**Wes Roberts**: Again, what?

**David James**: **Kurt Hummel**. Explain.

**Kurt Hummel**: Sorry, guys. I didn't realize he was going to drunk-hack my computer and get onto Facebook. We were at a party, and he got sort of…well, really…drunk

**David James**: How drunk?

**Kurt Hummel**: He kissed a girl.

**David James**: Daaaaaaamn that's drunk!

(38 people like this)

**Wes Roberts**: Yes, yes, and thats great that Blainey boy is experimenting, but a better question…why is he at your house?

**Kurt Hummel**: *sigh* It's not like that, Wes. He was too drunk to try and drive home, and since he kept trying to take the wheel from me when I was driving, I decided not to risk taking him on a two hour trip back to his house.

**David James**: Don't pretend you weren't thrilled.

(**Wes Roberts**, **Eric Laurey**, and 113 others like this)

**Kurt Hummel**: Shut up, David, or your music just might meet the same mysterious fate as Blaine's.

**David James**: …point taken.

**Eric Laurey**: PWNED!

(**Wes Roberts** and 26 others like this)

**Kurt Hummel**: You too, Eric.

**Eric Laurey**: …yes, sir.

* * *

**Blaine Anderson**: Some party…can anyone tell me, did I really…?

**Kurt Hummel**: Kiss Rachel, then sing a flirty duet, then wake up in my house and walk in on Finn showering? Yes.

(**Wes Roberts**, **David James**, and 42 others like this)

**Mercedes Jones**: I was going to finish with "break my boy's heart" but that works too. So, you walked in on Finn? How was the show? …not that I care, but he says hes got all these girls after him, and I wanna know if hes worth the time

**Kurt Hummel**: Mercedes, not now!

**Finn Hudson**: i dont kno if i should be flattered or not

**Blaine Anderson**: oookaaaayyyy…

* * *

**Blaine Anderson**: Is now officially going insane. How am I ever going to get all this music back? Still have 3106 songs to go, and its been almost a week!

**Kurt Hummel**: Sucks for you.

**Wes Roberts**: Vindictive, much?

**David James**: Do YOU want to go back to the PERRYLAND OF DOOM, Wes? DO YOU? THERE ARE ONLY SO MANY TIMES I CAN LISTEN TO PEACOCK BEFORE I GO **INSANE**!

(**Kurt Hummel**, **Brittany Pierce**, and 139 others like this)

**Brittany Pierce**: blan tuk my ipodd at te prty & now i hav 314 plys off tenagge dreem cept i unly had 16 b4 then sanntana cowntd

**Santana Lopez: **you are obsessed, boy.

**Brittany Pierce**: i thot u sayd gosts r not reel sanntana

(**Blaine Anderson, Puck Puckerman**, and 41 others like this)

**Kurt Hummel**: Ghosts…?

**Brittany Pierce**: cuz wut els cud obsess him cept 4 gosts cuz nothin els dos that

**Blaine Anderson**: Possess, Brittany. That's possess. I am OBSESSED with Perry.

**Blaine Anderson**: AND BACK TO THE POINT WONT ANYONE HELP ME?

**Kurt Hummel**: No.

(**Wes Roberts**, **Kurt Hummel**, and 96 others like this)

**Mercedes** **Jones**: Tell you what, boy. Since kurt liked his own comment, which he knows pisses me off (self-promoting is OUT in my book), I'll give you a couple thousand of my songs. Deal?

**Blaine Anderson**: Deal.

**Kurt Hummel**: NOOOO! MERCEDES YOU KNOW NOT WHAT YOU DO!

(**David James**, **Wes Roberts**, and 143 others like this)

* * *

**Blaine Anderson**: is happily downloading Mercedes's gift. Ha, ha, **Kurt Hummel**.

**Brittany Pierce**: y du u sayy that sanntana sez itz glowting & thatts bad bcuz then ppl donnt lik u cuz u glowted. i alweyz thot that glowting wuz gud bcuz glowwing is gud 4 ur skin

**Kurt Hummel**: good advice, Britt. Besides, Blaine should know by now…karma is not his friend.

**Brittany Pierce**: c i told u blan now karmen dosnt lik u u bettr go apologis

(**Santana Lopez**, **Wes Roberts**, and 46 others like this)

**Kurt Hummel**: …Britt, honey, go have Santana or Mercedes explain "karma" to you, okay?

* * *

**Kurt Hummel**: Hey, **New Directions**. Was **Sue Sylvester **telling the truth when she said your assignment was "sexy" this week?

**Rachel Berry**: Yes, she was.

**Rachel Berry**: Although I don't see why Sue was telling you anything at all.

**Rachel Berry**: Was she spying on us for you?

**Kurt Hummel**: Rachel. Cool the raging paranoia. She was spying, but not for us. Hello. Wake up, she coaches a rival team!

**Rachel Berry**: Right. Sorry.

**Sue Sylvester**: I resent your implications that my intentions were not totally honest. I have killed men for lesser wrongs. Leave Facebook now in shame, and do not return for at least eighteen hours. You pathetic gleeks do not deserve to occupy the same webspace as me, and I need at least eighteen hours to "like" every picture of myself I can find and to start a Facebook group devoted entirely to worshipping me.

**Kurt Hummel**: Yes, Coach Sylvester.

**Rachel Berry**: Fine.

**Sue Sylvester**: Attitude, you little reindeer-wearing monstrosity!

* * *

**Blaine Anderson**: now has most of his music back! So much for your evil plans, Kurt!

**Kurt Hummel**: I do not repent.

(**Mercedes Jones** likes this.)

**Mercedes Jones**: Nor do I.

(**Kurt Hummel **likes this)

**Wes Roberts**: …what did YOU do, Mercedes?

**Mercedes Jones**: :) if Blaine hasn't noticed yet, he's about to.

**Blaine Anderson**: What do you mean?

**David James**: XD She just told me. Kurt—nice, dude!

**Kurt Hummel**: DON'T CALL ME DUDE.

**David James**: sorry…

**Eric Laurey**: PWNED!

**Kurt Hummel**: ERIC!

**Eric Laurey**: …sorry.

**Blaine Anderson**: What's going on?

* * *

**Kurt Hummel**: is waiting for the scream of rage from Blaine's room. It should be coming in…5…4…3…2…1…yep, there it is.

**Blaine Anderson**: KURT! GET IN HERE NOW!

**Kurt Hummel**: …no.

**Kurt Hummel**: I'm already a good 5 minutes away.

**Kurt Hummel**: By car.

**Kurt Hummel**: I reckon that's a pretty good safety buffer, at least for now.

**Wes Roberts**: What did you DO?

**David James**: Actually, it's what Mercedes did.

**Mercedes Jones**: I'd never let my boy down. ;)

(**Kurt Hummel **likes this)

**Wes Roberts**: But what did you DO?

* * *

**Blaine Anderson**: WHY WOULD YOU GIVE ME TWO THOUSAND COPIES OF "BAD ROMANCE" BY LADY GAGA?

**Kurt Hummel**: Well, I certainly wasn't going to ask her to give you Katie Perry. Gaga was the obvious choice.

**Mercedes Jones**: It took him a while to decide between that, Telephone, and Alejandro

**Wes Roberts**: Personally, I would have voted for Telephone. MUCH more repetitive.

**David James**: Hm, no, I think I would have done "Just Dance"

**David James**: I like that song

(**David James **likes this)

**Kurt Hummel**: …you just liked your own like of a song? Okay, weird.

**Blaine Anderson**: WHAT? Kurt, why won't these DELETE?

**Kurt Hummel**: Ohhh, that's right…Thad has some friends in the computer club, and they fixed up the files so they can't be deleted without a security key.

(**Mercedes Jones**, **Thad Richardson**, and 22 others like this)

**Blaine Anderson**: WHAT?

**Kurt Hummel**: Oh, and did I mention that if you leave them there long enough, they multiply? Like a mini-virus, only…Gaga-ier…

**Wes Roberts**: Wow, Kurt. Remind me never to get on your bad side.

**Blaine Anderson**: Never say "Gaga-ier" again…

* * *

**Wes Roberts**: I found a better song that Kurt could have put on Blaine's computer!

**Blaine Anderson**: Wes, no.

**Kurt Hummel**: And what might that be?

**Wes Roberts**: The duck song!

(**David James **likes this)

**Blaine Anderson**: Wes. NO.

**Kurt Hummel**: That's not even a real song. You just made that up.

**Wes Roberts**: I did not, and besides, it's a PERFECT song for Blaine.

**Wes Roberts**: You know, because he's a duck.

**Kurt Hummel**: I got it, Wes. And I wish I could give it back.

(**Eric Laurey**, **Blaine Anderson**, and 48 others like this)

**Blaine Anderson**: WES. NO.

**Wes Roberts**: Whatcha gonna do, Blainey? Quack at me? ;)

* * *

**Wes Roberts**: …Blaine deleted all my music.

* * *

**Wes Roberts**: Wait, it's back!

* * *

**Wes Roberts**: No, it's not. This is all—

* * *

**Wes Roberts**: **BLAINE ANDERSON** REPLACED ALL MY MUSIC WITH KATY PERRY. PEACOCK. AND IT WONT DELETE.

**Blaine Anderson**: I got the virus thing from Kurt.

(**Kurt Hummel **likes this)

**Eric Laurey**: PWNED!

**Kurt Hummel**: That's it, Eric. You're next.

* * *

**Eric Laurey**: Does anyone want to trade iPods? Mine only has "Poker Face" and "California Gurls" on it now

(118 people like this)


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